Harry Potter tweets
by phoenixluv
Summary: Harry Potter tweets; fun, anger, horror, jest and more.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

Harry Potter tweets

Hermione Jean Granger meets Emma Watson.

"Wow! We're identical." A rip in the flow of the universe.

THE UNIVERSE IMPLODES!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

Hermione Jean Granger apparates in front of Muggle bus in the middle of the road with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

"Oops!"

Bam!

Screech of tires.

A ghostly voice sings from the heavens…..

_"Neither can live while the other survives."_

VOLDEMORT EXPLODES!

Bloody end! Less people in Azkaban!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

THE MINISTRY HAS FALLEN!

MOMENT OF INSANITY: Harry jumps in joy," Take that you non believing fuckers."

Fire in the mountain Run Run Run.

Oops! Voldemort's in-charge.

Bill -the Gringotts' curse breaker's wards fell. How did they survive in the last war again?

The golden trio apparates away.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

Its Harry's seventeenth birthday.

Dumbledore is sitting in his office with a grave expression on his face. Tom the Dark Lord is sitting in the guest's chair; Snape and the Malfoy hover impatiently, waiting for the Potters'.

"Harry my boy; you are Draco's veela mate, Snape's vampire mate and the Tom the Dark Lord's, Dark Elven mate. Congratulations war is over."

Lily screams, "Noooooooooooo! You pedophiles will not touch my baby" then proceeds to bash the potential mates with her boxing gloves (her nephew is teaching her and James is too afraid to say anything).

"AVADA KEDAVARA!"

The purebloods smile. "We are so allowed to catch our mate by any means. It's legal."

Harry looks at the dead body of his mother then coldly smirks.

"I am allergic to them now. You can all die."

WAR IS OVER. ALL IS WELL.

* * *

Read a Veela story. It made me mad.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter, Dilbert or Chicken Little. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

Evil Dark Lord A.K.A Boss' evil office.

Evil Dark Lord A.K.A Boss' evil office meeting: Report, Lucius.

The second in command, silvery haired, I-love-my-hair-too-much-minion ( secretly its a wig, big secret grin): The request we got for trading information on Potter is vague. Our response deadline is tomorrow.

Evil Dark Lord A.K.A Boss, smiles evilly: Which path of certain failure would you prefer?

Lucius: Eh (which-ever makes me work the least)!

Evil Dark Lord A.K.A Boss: _Crucio_, excellent idea, Bribe the muggles.

* * *

Author sings a song: Dumbledore is the manager, knows everything

twinkle twinkle

all fall down!

THE STOCKS ARE FALLING! THE STOCKS ARE FALLING! (Chicken Little screaming)

* * *

Feeling high on cartoons! Dilbert, Chicken Little and Nursery rhymes.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

Harry Potter tweets.

Ten years after the war. Its a wizardry festival.

New popular game: Pop four evil Durseley balloons and win a free Hippogriff doll. One sickle a game.

A little happiness keeps a Dementor away.

* * *

I have toothache. Need to see my dentist.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

Harry Potter tweets.

Harry Potter ( too thin) meets Mrs. Weasley ( who had just finished yelling at her son)

"Hello Harry Dear! ( Harry wonders, if she was born Bipolar or her sons drove her to it)"

She hugs him and swings him like a sack of potatoes. "Let's fatten you up."

(MISSING:cackle like an evil witch; sadly its not in the plot.)

* * *

I have toothache. Long wait for an appointment for dentist. Doped up on pain med anyways. You will understand! just joking! or not!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

Harry Potter tweets.

Harry Potter is fuming silently in his potions class. Snape taunts; Snape docks points (you know, usual stuff); Neville messes up his potion again and his cauldron explodes with a spectacular Boom. Everybody runs for cover including Neville.

Muhahahaha

Harry is trapped. The cauldron puffs a blob on his head.

Poof

Fireworks

Sparkly things; lots of noise. (you know, usual stuff)

Harry Potter turns into a girl, who realizes she/ he has breasts and shrilly voice; she/ he screams. (He/she kinda doesn't want to get married to Snape, Nott, Malfoy, Voldemort or any other random death eaters or GOD FORBID RON! or any other Weasley; imagine Percy- the toady, Bill- the half werewolf, Fred and George- the masters of doom, you get the picture)

Eweee! Icky!

So Fate had a change of *something*(Definitely not heart)

Harry is trapped. The cauldron puffs another blob onto his head.

Poof

Fireworks

Sparkly things; lots of noise. (you know, usual stuff)

Harry turns into-

Muhahahaha

Dumbledore. Draco faints. Slytherins cower and peer around the desks and doors. (Fate shakes her crystal ball in terror at those twinkly eyes). The cauldron puffs another blob on his head.

Harry turns into-

Muhahahaha

Snape - minus the icky hair. Half the Gryffindors faint. Fate snorts. The crystal ball spins once more. The cauldron puffs another blob on his head.

Poof

Fireworks

Sparkly things; lots of noise. (you know, usual stuff)

Harry turns into-

Muhahahaha

Dolores Umbridge.

The potion runs out. Snape faints. The rest of the not vomiting, not cowering and not fainting run screaming in terror.

have fun.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter. If I did, I would be a multimillionaire (which I'm not _yet_).

Harry Potter tweets: I think that the whole horcrux thing was a stupid god complex.

Harry Potter emerges from the pensieve after finding out that he was a horcrux? His brain is sluggish with the huge betrayal from the people, he trusted in his life.

Then, his brain restarts with a swift kick; he stops thinking about stupid emotions and for the first time in the novel, thinks logically. How the hell did he became a horcrux? Remembering the last moments of his mothers' life, he reviews each and everything clinically.

In his memory-

step 1) Voldemort murders my mother by AK.

step 2) He (Harry Potter) acquires blood protection (hypothetically).

step 3) Voldemort performs horcrux ritual (end stage - casting AK at Harry Potter).

step 4) Voldemort fires AK at him (Harry), which rebounds and kills him.

How did Voldemort's soul get attached to my forehead now? Did my blood protection had a flaw or Voldemort's soul could drill/ superglue itself there.

'Neither of the things happened, which tells me that Dumbledore is a old dead liar and he wanted me to die with a big stupid smile on my face and courage in my heart or some shit; and the prophecy gave me way to get a lead on my enemy.' He smirks.

"Well the elder wand cannot kill me anyways. Old Voldy is the only one who is likely to kill me and the others are too chicken. Harry my boy, prepare to become boy who lived twice." With that Harry walks out of the headmaster's office -away to mystify Voldemort once more.

have fun


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